Bankiet

0112 Let me help you, miss. I'd love to hold your purse, pass a glass of wine, or tuck an unruly strand of hair behind your ear. I will not insist, I know my limits. Though the young lady sets her limits firmly in front of me. Then when I kiss your pale hand, something lights up inside me at the sight of you. Although, it's not my eyes that reflect your beauty. These are my fangs.

0113 I listen to your story as if it made any sense. I notice your pathetic attempts to seduce women into stories of your supposed wealth and those tactless gestures that would signal your interest. Should I be amused now? I don't think I'm that concerned. I will see. And wait for the right moment.

0114 I turn my head to the right and listen to the conversations about a real estate market in the suburbs of the city. I turn my head to the left and get a lecture on the new designer perfume collection and wonder how much more fascinated they can be about it. I stretch my neck to my rear left and hear the beautiful singing of a middle-aged woman with lungs bigger than I can imagine, and on the far right, I can hear muffled words from a fairy-tale poem recited by local guests. Although, I wonder why is nobody talking about me?

0115 They'll take me for a jester as soon as I open my mouth. I don't want it, that's why I listen. Yet their simple language, misused idioms, and strenuous use of words they don't fully understand anyway - enrages me. I know I will crack eventually and scream so damn forcefully they will only listen to me.

0116 Why am I still here? Why am I devoting my precious time to the regression that I am experiencing at this event? Everyone’s dresses and suits are radiant, the glass from the chandeliers reflects the sun all over the room, and still, the light above my head is barely breaking through the darkness that emanates from these people. Darkness and ignorance. Human.

0117 Dress me in a tailcoat, give me a handkerchief and something to draw guests’ attention. Hmm, maybe a well-presented glass of champagne or a freshly blooming lotus flower? Yes! Then hand me a business card with a simple emblem and three arbitrary phone numbers so that I can present it to other guests with a theatrical tone and thespian gestures. I can pretend. I sure can. However, you are not disguising the animal instincts and senses that go against your etiquette. That isn’t the way. I’m still a bear inside.

0118 External and internal beauty does not differentiate to me or If you are being gorgeous to me, I will say it. If you are hideous, I will definitely let you feel it. My eyes are made to consume the beauty of this world and cultivate the privilege of attractiveness. Offer me something to enhance. Give me your best performance.

0119 My skin disgusts you. its dryness and wrinkling. I'm not even surprised at this point. However, just exchanging a few words with you, I am devastated how such magnificent packaging can have such a rotten interior. Did miss get her beautiful, plump lips done? It's a pity how appalling words they say. These packages sicken me. Straight to the bin.

0120 I am older than many gentlemen here. Probably even double their age. However, this does not prevent me from starting conversations with young businessmen. Their energy is even getting into my spirit.. They are bursting with such positivism and enthusiasm for work that I remember the times when I was in their place. Young, determined, and gropingly looking for acceptance among people without feelings and scruples.

0121 I throw my chips on the table like I'm playing vabank. I know that I have just idiots in front of me, and their tactics are slowly starting to fail them. They are so self-confident that they don't show it, but the body doesn't lie. I can see sweat droplets on their temples and their hands trembling as they nonchalantly try to prove the game to their advantage. I'll laugh in their face. Nothing can stop me.

0122 Everyone laughs at my jokes. They grab their bellies and put their hands on the glass table to keep their balance. Their mouths don't shut. Lovely women chuckling softer and louder to the right of me. The men's arms rise and fall in amusement as they smoke their expensive cigars. I am in the spotlight. I hope they laugh at me, not me.

0123 I take a deep drag on the cigar that I smoke at the table. The smile never leaves my face as the hyena next to me just opens its mouth. I have never seen such charisma in my life. I pat him on the shoulder as he finishes his signature joke with a bang, and just as I want to open my mouth to converse with the lad, I notice a group of women pointing their fingers at him with derisive chuckle. As if they had the right to do so without offering anything of themselves for this company.

0124 My instincts go crazy. I don't know if I should stand aside to calm myself down or be in the middle of the show to get carried away. Do I know myself well enough to trust my mind? What if I hurt someone? What's the worst thing I could do to somebody? The champagne glass begins to tremble and crack in my paws. I dig my talons into the skin to bring myself to heel. But it's not my touch that makes me feel calmer.

0125 Without knowing the circumstances or details, prevention is the best. To prevent something tragic and not to do anything about it, deluding that something terrible will not happen, is sheer cowardice, which I do not profess. I have to act. I have to be the one that stays in control. I stretch my paw towards the guest who, leaning against the wall, is trembling with anger, and the foam gathers in the corners of his mouth. I grab by his suit. And his eyes immediately scream with gratitude.

0126 I enter the hall through the front door, which opens wide to me with both wings. I am struck by the smell of expensive champagne and of cigar smoke that I brought myself. Where are the dances? Where's the cheers? I'm at a wake? My outfit would definitely suit the farewell ceremony for the deceased, but my choice is elegance. The real host is not playing. He is watching and ministering to the guests. Let them once feel like kings that they are definitely not.

0127 I'm suffocating among the company that does everything for the show. They laugh flashy. They bow glitzy They even stand straight splashy! In split a moment they will not be able to breathe without an excuse to show off to the audience. Is it possible to live in such a routine? What stars arose in this generation.

0128 One of the most obvious and authentic things my keen eye saw in this supposed upper-crust party is that I am definitely spitting venom. I spit venom when I am provoked by someone. When I am furious. When I am irritated. And they spit venom, uttering even the kindest words. You won't see it at first, but when you look at them from a certain angle, you will see that their shapes are falling apart as the basilisk skin comes off.

0129 The empty compliments I receive from the company echo unnoticed in my skull as if they have completely lost their relevance on their way to my earholes. Am I jammed? Is it really so loud in here if I can hear the whispers of my owl companion? Maybe the sender of these words gives me a lack of life, therefore they do not reach any of us? Or maybe the lack of truth and authenticity deprives words of their spiritual and tangible power? Would they lie to my living eyes?

0130 Despite the fact that I have the knowledge and I am a relatively well-spoken person at this conference, starting any new topic with guests here is not the easiest one. I get too many stimuli that have a negative impact on the correct assessment of the situation and my conversation partner. I'm getting tired. I lose focus on what is close to me and begin to pay attention to what is happening entirely on the other side of the room. I feel uncomfortable.

0131 My slender body and long neck allow me to look at everything from the above I can easily spot my friends on the other side of the table and reach for the highest-tier treats on a multi-tier tray. Sometimes I catch my antlers on expensive decorations, so I apologize to the waiters with real regret. However, it is me who feels watched from above. I feel tiny and meaningless when outsiders pass me by. I am desperately looking for my Owl and Snake friends, however, I am drowning more and more amidst the toxicity.